Current thoughts: the key to happiness is not caring about what other people think.
I know, I know, you might have heard this a hundred times, but just think about it: it’s right, isn’t it? And I am putting it out there because this idea has been proven to me pretty much every single day lately.
I, honestly, am guilty or have been guilty of living only to please others: act in such a way to make people think I am an amazing, flawless person, dress so that I receive compliments, even if the outfit that I am wearing is making me feel incredibly uncomfortable and insecure, say the things that the people around me want to hear – be the person that everybody wants me to be. And then, one day, I realize that I am not where / how /who I want to be. And in those moments I feel too lost to even do something about it.
It happened to me, it happened to you, it happened to everybody, at one point in our lives. Your middle school desk mate is wearing pink every day, and it goes so well with her long and blond hair, and all the other 12 years old girls compliment her, but nobody says anything about your dark green comfy hoodie. Could it be because it is ugly? It might… So the next day you wear your only pink T-shirt to school and everybody compliments it, except for the blonde superstar, of course, but you feel like a cheap Barbie doll, wearing that color that you have always hated. And then, years later, you find out that nobody complimented your dark green hoodie because everybody was jealous about how well that color was accentuating your beautiful green eyes. Now, the question is: was it worth it?
A few years later you’re in high school. You had a pretty exhausting week and you just can’t wait for the weekend, because you really need a good night’s sleep. The only problem is that all of your friends are planning to go to the club on Friday night, so you have two choices: either stay at home, as you have desperately desired to, but be uncool and boring, or sacrifice your lovely quiet night in order to please your friends and get rid of the fear that they might not be your friends anymore or that they might not invite you next time. What do you do?
Yo go with them, obviously… duuh’.
So, there you are, at 11 o’ clock PM, barely staying awake even through the loud music. After approximately one hour you realize just how boring everything is, everybody is just smoking and drinking and staying at their table because they are just too cool and important to dance – or at least they think they are – and you also don’t feel comfortable out there because, let’s say it, it’s NOTHING wrong with it: it’s just not your type of thing. You simply do not enjoy staying awake, drinking and speaking about random, pointless and shallow things until 4 AM. Yes, perhaps you would stay awake until 5 AM for, let’s say, a shopping session (me, anytime, call me and I’m ready) or in order to finish your favorite book, or play The Sims, or finish the last season of Gossip Girl for the 4th time (me again). So you just sit there with one of your classmates, discussing the outfit of the girl next to you, but the only thing that you can think of is your warm and cozy bed. But you can’t leave just yet, it’s too early, what are you, a child? What are your friends going to say? So, what good did you get out of that amazing night out that nobody is going to talk about two weeks from now? Oh, yes, you weren’t labeled “boring”. And you will never forget the sequined tights that girl next to you was wearing. On the other hand, you spent two hours doing your makeup and hair and another hour back home to remove your makeup, you lost a good night’s sleep, and two days later you do or say something wrong and your “friends” eventually abandon you anyway. But at least you’re not “boring”, right?
College: no more parents, no more outfit code, no more rules. There’s this girl in the other group that everybody loves, all the boys admire, and she thinks that everybody wants to be like her. She wears makeup every day, short skirts, cleavage sometimes, and only few people notice how cheap looking she is, how little she knows about anything and how insecure she feels when she isn’t wearing mascara (this is an exaggerated scenario, I admit it). But don’t get me wrong, I also wear makeup to school a lot of times, decent skirts sometimes, I always try to look pretty and put together, but if you’re not into tight skirts or flowy dresses you can be just as beautiful wearing ripped jeans and a cool tee, if that makes you feel good. You know that you are prettier and classier than that girl, so you can’t help but ask one of the boys in your group: “Hey, why is nobody that interested in, let’s say, me?” And the immediate answer which comes to his mind, even though he is ashamed to say it out loud because that would be him admitting how shallow he is, is that you are not that hot – again, even though we both know that you are equally good looking (speaking of the power of a cleavage).
So one day you decide to rock your mini dress and your brand new high heel sandals to school. Every head turns around when you pass by, both people you know and people you don’t know, but you keep getting the feeling that everybody is looking at you differently, because that cheap looking outfit is not your style, and you know it. So you end up feeling insecure instead of hot, because you look as if you just got out of the club, but you’re at school. But at least you look like that girl, right?
Nobody is perfect, nobody is 100% popular, nobody is the prettiest girl in college, we all have flaws and we all have different hobbies, preferences and styles – and that’s amazing! Don’t ever give up on being yourself in order to please others. Because people come and go, friendships get stronger and weaker, you need to be loved and appreciated for who you are, otherwise you will end up working so hard at being someone else, until you forget who you used to love to be, and completely lose yourself – which, if you’re asking me, it’s the greatest loss that one could suffer.
I am really looking forward to reshaping my personality and becoming the person that I want to be. I hope you enjoyed reading this article and I also hope that it gave you something to think about, the next time you are about to take a step away from your beautiful self.